Life Lessons From the TV Ladies

What is the point of television?

Millions upon millions of dollars every year are funneled into this industry that’s essentially moving pixels and made up stories. Wouldn’t that money be better spent on medicinal research, humanitarian efforts, or wildlife conservation? Television doesn’t sustain or improve our physical bodies. It doesn’t right wrongs in the world. It doesn’t keep the planet spinning.

Oh, but it does much more than that. It improves our mental faculties, broadening our thoughts and introducing us to new ideas. It exposes injustices, enlightening us to issues foreign or domestic that we may not even be aware of. It teaches equality, showing us that every person and every place deserves respect. Television stretches beyond simple entertainment to provide the audience with a sometimes idealistic, sometimes cynical view of humanity. Both of which hold truth. It shares a well of stories that teach us about life and ourselves.

This blog wouldn’t be called the Fempire without a feminist flare, so for this post, I have chosen five fictional female characters who’ve taught me positive lessons about life, who’ve inspired me to be more comfortable, confident, and proud.

Please feel free to comment with your own life lessons from the ladies.

DOLORES ABERNATHY; Westworld (2016-present)
You are the protagonist of your own story.

Dolores says one of my favorite lines in the show, if not my favorite line in all of television. “I imaged a story where I didn’t have to be the damsel,” she declares. A cross-stitch of these words adorns my nightstand, and a print hangs on my motivational corkboard collage because it’s a beautiful reminder not to passively move through life, but rather to stand up, to fight back, to take control.

Often times, we grow content with completing our daily loop. Wake up. Go to work. Come home exhausted. Watch TV. Go to bed. Repeat. Whether out of comfort of routine or fear of change, we become complacent with this familiarity that we forget we have the power to write our own narrative and pursue a truly satisfying story. A new job. A new adventure. A new way of living. It’s acceptable, even encouraged, to dream about these objectives, but without change, these dreams remains a passing thought with no hope of gaining traction.

Drive the action of your own story.

Decide your own fate.

Break your loop.

Yes, change can be terrifying. But it can also be beautiful. Butterflies, diamonds, and wine would not exist without change, without surviving a crushing pressure and metamorphosis. And we’ll survive it too, coming out more marvelous on the other side. We are not damsels waiting to be rescued. We are not robots stuck in someone else’s creation. We are warriors.

KATE BECKETT; Castle (2009-2016)
You don’t have to be perfect.

Kate Beckett is an excellent detective, outwardly confident, but internally, a guarded woman driven by the pain of her mother’s murder. She deflects from showing emotional investment with sarcasm and keeps potential love at arm’s length out of fear of being unworthy until she solves the case that changed her life. That is, until she realizes the perfect, imagined life she seeks is holding her back from living the perfectly satisfying, attainable life she could have.

She admits, “I want to be more than who I am,” not for someone else, but for her own sake. Rather than changing, rather than somehow willing herself to get over her loss or forcing herself into believing she’s whole again, Beckett comes to understand that having life experiences isn’t baggage, it’s backstory. It’s doesn’t negate your value, your worthiness, your chance at happiness. Perfection isn’t the ultimate goal; it’s accepting yourself, imperfections and all.

You can be more than who you are by accepting that you can be more than one thing. Like Beckett, you can be afraid and still be brave. You can struggle and still be successful. You can be vulnerable and still be strong.

So, to all the remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating people out there, you deserve love and happiness and every good thing that life could possibly bring your way even if you feel broken or imperfect. You’re not. You’re just human, and that’s how it should be.

PEGGY CARTER; Agent Carter (2015-2016)
Know your value. Anyone else’s opinion doesn’t really matter.

On my drive to work the other day, I was listening to “Life After You” by Daughtry, which I’ve heard probably a hundred times, but this time it gave me pause. Singing along, “All that I’m after is a life full of laughter…” That’s a solid, relatable line. Who doesn’t want to enjoy life? But then, “You know I would die here without you… ‘cause I know there’s no life after you.” Hold up.

I would
die
here without you…
‘Cause I know
there’s no life after you.

Yikes.

Peggy’s words are hard ones to live by when society constantly bombards us with the idea that we’re only successful if we’re Hollywood’s definition of attractive, if we’re popular, if we’re in an all-consuming romantic relationship. Life is only worth living if someone is showing you attention, validating your existence. But why? Why is it acceptable to promote the idea that your self-worth should be tied to someone else? It’s not. It’s illogical, dangerous, and destructive.

Did you know that approximately 25% of LGBT youth attempt suicide? That’s one in four. ONE IN FOUR. One in four LGBT teenagers attempts to end their life because of a lack of acceptance. That number is a result of the atmosphere this society has created and the messages permeating the airwaves. Unfortunately, acceptance by others has been and will continue to be a cornerstone of humanity. We should fight to produce content that mutes society’s harmful messages and promotes the individual’s power over their own existence.

We need more heroes like Peggy reminding us that YOU decide your value, and YOU ARE VALUABLE, no matter what you look like, where you come from, and who you love. You have a unique voice. It may take quite sometime to figure out what exactly that voice has to say. It’s certainly taken me a while, and even so, I am still working on developing that voice into the most impactful version of itself. But never doubt that you have something to teach someone. As long as you know your value, know what you contribute to those around you, you will be able to do just that.

ALEX DANVERS; Supergirl (2015-present)
It’s okay not to have it all figured out.

Alex Danvers is an intelligent bio-engineer, a badass special agent, and a fiercely protective sister. She’s proof that you can be all of these things and still not know exactly who you are because she’s also a human who struggles with identity. Whether you’re 28 or 88, it’s healthy to re-discover yourself, to re-define what you want because as you grow, you learn, and we should never stop learning.

There’s a plethora of reasons why it takes some people longer than others to truly understand themselves, all valid reasons and all unique. For Alex, she’s dedicated to helping others, looking after her sister, and saving the world. She’s the kind of compassionate person who puts everyone’s needs before her own. While noble, this life model skirts around one very important person’s needs: your own. It’s okay to put yourself first for a change because if you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re not going to be of any use to those who you’re trying to help.

Although the journey of self-discovery may be uncomfortable and confusing, it’s necessary and rewarding. It’s how you continually become a better version of yourself so you can share that version with the world in the most impactful way.

If you’re struggling with anything (bonus lesson time! because Alex is worth it), you are not weak for asking for help and letting people in. You are strong because you are willing to be vulnerable. And we are all stronger together.

MORGANA PENDRAGON; Merlin (2008-2012)
Be proud of who you are.

Born into a country that executes anyone possessing magic, Morgana’s journey of self-discovery came with an overwhelming amount of fear and confusion. Her feelings of abandonment and self-loathing derived from a father, a family, a kingdom that didn’t accept her for something she couldn’t control… until she realized she didn’t have to succumb to society’s prejudice. She realized magic was neither good nor evil. And the same went for herself. Her self-love and acceptance took a some time, as it does for many of us, but once she realized she wasn’t cursed, she was just herself, she became a more confident, capable, driven woman.

(Morgana did turn into an antagonist and didn’t always use the best methods, so she’s maybe not the best all-around life coach, but her descent into darkness was debatably created by nurture, or lack of nurture, instead of nature, which is a topic I plan to discuss at some point… when this inevitably becomes a Morgana apologist blog… only halfway kidding.)

Morgana’s story is especially poignant because it isn’t just about having magic; it’s a story that speaks to persecuted and misunderstood minorities who are judged and feared for the way they’re born. Your race, religion, gender, sexuality does not make you evil. It does not make you superior. It simply makes you human. There’s no hope of convincing someone else of your strength, your value, your contributions if you don’t believe it first.

Be fierce.

Be proud.

Be you.